When Your Love Lets You Go
by teganqueern
Summary: Tegan's girlfriend finds out Sara's secret. Written with Butterfliesandsuicides. Tegan and Sara. Quincest.
1. Chapter 1

I Can't Take It Oneshot

I'm sitting on the floor in Tegan's apartment, empty beer bottles surrounding me, an almost full one in hand. My sister and her girlfriend Lindsey are on the couch, equally as drunk as me. We had made a rule at the beginning of recording that we wouldn't drink too much the night before a studio day, but tonight that rule has been broken. So here I am, drinking even though we have to be up early tomorrow. I'm spending the night at Tegan's to make the morning easier. I look up to the couch, Tegan has reached the horny teenager drunk state and Lindsey is trying so hard not to give in in front of me. I get sad and strangely turned on watching them. My girlfriend is back in New York, so I haven't had sex in weeks. And I've always been attracted to Tegan, so this isn't helping. Fuck. I down the rest of my beer and try to watch the rest of the movie that's on. After a while I get tired of listening to my sister kiss Lindsey, so I get up and announce that I'm going to bed. I walk to Tegan's guest room and lay down in the sheets, trying to let sleep take me over. I'm almost there when I hear sounds coming through the walls. I listen carefully and realize it's Tegan and Lindsey in their bedroom. They're fucking and there's nothing I want more than to be in Lindsey's position. I cover my head with the pillow to block out the sounds, but it doesn't work. I'm getting more turned on every second. Lindsey moans my sister's name so loud that I snap, not being able to take it any longer. 5 minutes later I'm naked under the sheets, two fingers working inside me, moaning Tegan's name in sync with her girlfriend. I pretend that my fingers are Tegan's, and I'm completely lost in my pleasure that I stop paying attention to how loud I'm getting. I'm so close to my release, thrusting my fingers deeper as I come down my hand, screaming out "Tegan" in the process. There are no sounds coming from the other side of the wall, which scares me. I listen carefully, wondering if Tegan and Lindsey heard me.

"I love it when you scream my name like that", Tegan finally says something, and I freeze.

"Tee baby, that wasn't me". Lindsey just blew my cover without even knowing. Shit.

I hear footsteps padding across their bedroom, and the door opening. I keep listening to their conversation about how I'm the only other person in the house. Their voices get louder as they walk across the hall to the guest bedroom where I'm staying. I jump up as fast as I can, scrambling to pick up my clothes and shoving them with me under the blankets. The guest room door opens just in time as I turn my body to face the wall and squeeze my eyes shut. Tegan slowly walks over to bed and bends down, her hot breath tickling my neck as she speaks.

"Sara's sleeping, what the hell?"

"Babe, I was messing with you, of course it was me" My sister's girlfriend laughs, and I feel Tegan's presence leave my side. They walk out of the room, closing the door. I turn onto my back and stare up at the dark ceiling. My biggest secret was almost let out. Ever since we were teenagers, I have been in love with my twin sister. Society thinks it's disgusting, Tegan probably thinks it's disgusting, but I don't care. No one will ever know, especially my sister.

The pounding of my hangover headache wakes me up in the morning. My eyes refuse to open, and I lay in bed for a few more minutes until I have to get ready for the studio. I decide that today is going to be a lazy day, so I pick out a grey sweater and jeans and open the door to head across the apartment to Tegan's bathroom. The hum of the television in the living room and the sound of bowls clanking together lets me know that it's safe to leave the guest bedroom and not face an awkward situation with both Tegan and Lindsey in their bedroom. Tegan is in the kitchen and she smiles at me. "Good morning Sara, I'm making coffee and cereal". I smile back at her and let her know I'll eat after I shower. Lindsey is in the bedroom when I get there, and I try not to catch her eye, but I can feel her staring at me. There's an awkward tension as I walk into the bathroom. 30 minutes later we're getting into Lindsey's car, driving to the studio.

I'm sitting in the back room of the studio, playing Frogger while waiting for Tegan to finish lead vocals for the song we're working on. The door opens behind me, and I expect it's her, so I continue playing my game. As soon as I see Lindsey come into my view, my frog dies. Something bad is about to happen. She starts up a two player game, and we play in silence for a few minutes. I'm beating her, and I'm counting this as my revenge against her.

"I know it was you last night." Lindsey's voice is calm. My frog dies again.

"I don't know what you're talking about", my voice is shaky and my frog comes back up on the screen. Once again we play in silence, and once again my frog falls to his death as Lindsey repeats my actions from the night before.

"Fucking yourself in my apartment and moaning my girlfriend, your sister's name. You're gross Sara". The game starts up again, but I let the frog run alone, getting hit by a truck. It describes exactly how I feel right now. I don't say anything back. Lindsey smiles, understanding that she's won in two different ways; first at Frogger, second at destroying me. "You're lucky Tegan had her eyes closed, or she would know your secret a lot sooner". Sooner? I finally look up at Lindsey, knowing her motives. She couldn't tell Tegan, it would ruin our band, our relationship, our entire lives. I manage to whisper out "you wouldn't". Lindsey laughs. "Oh, I'm not gonna be the one telling her, you are". As if on an invisible cue, Tegan walks in the room.

"Telling who what?" she asks. I stare across the table to Lindsey, who has a sly smile back on her face. She stares back at me and says "Sara needs to tell you something". My heart rate gets faster and I find it hard to breathe. Lindsey gets up and walks towards the door, whispering "have fun" into my ear before leaving. My mind rushes to think of other things that I need to tell Tegan, but I'm scared of what Lindsey will do if I don't tell my sister the truth. I jump up from the table a little too fast, knocking the chair I was sitting on to the floor. "Talk to me Sara", Tegan's voice finds its way into my brain. I look at her, and before I know it, the words are spilling out of my mouth and I can't control them.

"Tegan I'm in love with you."

My sister walks across the room and stops in front of me. I close my eyes, afraid of what she's gonna say, what she's gonna do.

"Sara, I know." The distance between us closes as Tegan presses her lips to mine.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

Tegan's next words make my heart jump out of my chest. "Sara, I love you too". My eyes open and I take in the beauty of my sister. Tears well up in my eyes and slowly start dripping down my face. "What are we gonna do?' I ask Tegan, my voice back to its whisper. We're still standing so close together, so I take the opportunity and lean in to kiss her again. But something stops me before I reach her lips. The door opens behind us, and Tegan pushes me away from her, which causes me to fall to the ground. I hear laughing, and I can tell that it's Lindsey without needing to look up. The sight must look good to her, I'm on the floor still crying, and Tegan is on the other side of the room from me. If anyone looked in, it would look like Tegan and I had just gotten into a physical fight and she had won. Lindsey walks over to me and pulls me up by my arm, gripping me just enough to leave bruises. "You need to go do backup vocals for the song Sara, and I need alone time with my girlfriend", she says to me, the last part coming out as a snarl, as if she's mocking me. I don't look at her, instead looking at my sister, who turns her gaze to the floor. A hand claws at my face, forcing it to turn to look at the hand's owner. I wince in pain and Lindsey smiles. "She doesn't want you Sara, stop looking", she again whispers into my ear. Before more tears can fall from my eyes, I run from the room and into the studio. I head straight into the recording room, wanting to get this over with so I can go home and curl up in my bed. Our producer Greg starts playing the song, and I sing the vocals as needed, but my mind is far from paying attention to the music.

After recording my vocals is over, it's time to go home. I'm so tempted to ask someone else in the studio to take me to my apartment, but I don't want to raise suspicions. I sigh and slowly walk out to Lindsey's car. She and Tegan are already in there, so I open the back door and slide into the seat. We drive in silence, and I can hear the vibration of my phone before I feel it. Tegan's name is on the screen of my phone, signaling a text message from her. I glance up to the front seat where she's sitting. Her face is glued to the window, one of her hands laying across the seat, fingers tied loosely in Lindsey's. I press the button to open the text. "Here's what we're gonna do. I want to be with you Sara, but we can't end our relationships. We have to keep this a secret from everyone." The car stops and I look out the window and see we've arrived at my apartment. I mutter my goodbyes, only to be ignored by both girls sitting up front. The coldness of the air outside hits me as I get out of the car, matching how I feel inside. I turn to look into the window of the front passenger seat where Tegan is sitting, but she avoids my eyes and looks down at the floor. Sadness envelopes me, and I walk towards my apartment before anyone can see me crying. I wait for Lindsey's car to drive off before I let the tears fall. They cloud my vision as I try to open the door to my apartment, and I finally get it open, throwing my bag inside and collapsing on the floor in a hurricane of tears. My phone rings inside my bag, and I rush to answer it, hoping its Tegan.

"Hello?"

"Hi Sara!" my girlfriend Stacy's voice comes through the phone, sounding way too happy for my liking. I reply hey back to her, blinking my eyes to get the last of my tears out.

"You don't sound too happy, what's wrong?" She questions me, but there's no way I can tell her the truth. Your girlfriend is in love with and kissed her sister, that's definitely something everyone wants to hear.

"Nothing, I've had a long day and I'm tired" I lie to her, hoping she won't hear the hesitation in my words. She seems to accept it, moving straight on to the reason she called me.

"I'm coming to LA to hang out with you for your two week break! But I won't be there until Wednesday" My sad mood instantly goes away, with happiness and excitement filling me. A week and a half with my girlfriend is exactly what I need right now. "Do you think Lindsey can come get me from the airport?" Damn, there goes my good mood. I have no idea what to say to her. If Lindsey picks her up, there's a high chance she'll tell Stacy everything.

"Well, I don't know. I'll ask Ted to pick you up."

"Why can't Lindsey?"

"She'll… be busy" Another lie, and this time Stacy doesn't buy it.

"Whatever Sara, just make sure someone picks me up".

We finish our conversation, saying our "I love you" 's before hanging up. I feel bad lying to my girlfriend, but I can't tell her what's really going on. She would leave me in an instant. And Tegan wants to keep us a secret, and that's exactly what I plan on doing. My apartment is cold, and the warmth of my bed is calling me. I climb into my sheets, snuggling with a pillow before trying to call Tegan. It goes to voicemail, so I hang up and try again. Why isn't she answering me? I try a couple more times, giving up on the fifth try. I feel the tears start to prick again behind my eyes. Maybe what Tegan said about us being together was a lie, and now she's ignoring me so she doesn't have to deal with me. At least today is Friday, and we have our two week break coming up, so I won't have to see her until final mixing for our record starts. Today has been filled with a lot of tears and sadness and I don't want to cry anymore, so I close my eyes and let sleep take me over.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: This chapter was written by butterfliesandsuicides._

Apathetically, I roll out from under the white sheets that previously contained a bundle of emotions a mere three hours beforehand; with heavy eyes from the lack of sleep they've been getting the last few days, I set myself on the edge of the bed and stare myself down into the mirror. Not only were my eyes heavy, but they look a deep scarlet and greatly swollen; my hair slightly damp from the river of tears of yesterday and just remembering what happened yesterday breaks my heart all over again as I find my bottom lip pulling out and quivering once more.  
_'I need to get it together…_' I quietly thought to myself, as if anyone was in the flat with me, '_…she's your twin sister, Sara._'  
I carefully drag myself up to my feet, my weak legs barely able to hold my weight. Deciding to have a shower was possibly one of my few great ideas, and so I slugged over to my en-suite bathroom and languidly undressed myself from yesterday's clothes.

Hmm, I wonder whether or not I should try calling Tegan again? I don't think I could handle not talking to her for two weeks and it's better to make her talk to me rather than let her ignore me… right? It came to a shock when I became aware of a vibration amongst the bed during my debating thoughts. Could that be her now? Oh god I really do hope so… I hastily reach for my phone which seems to be under tangled sheets and intertwined pillows, finally retrieving it as I open the message with anticipation.  
_'Sara. Come to mine?_  
_Lindsey's out and won't be home until 4._  
_Love you, Tee xxx'_  
I swiftly pull on my sweater and shoes, grabbing my charm-ridden keys and briskly head out the door with no second thought to my actions. Yes! The perturbation in my movement was clearly seen, even with a glance.

Stood outside her door, I realize how bad this situation really is and I need to calm myself down. Deep anxiety overflowed within me as I feel myself pounding my fist against the door and pacing up and down along the corridor waiting for Tegan's arrival and greeting. Hearing a creak, I halt and turn around attentively - a smile spread across my face thoughtlessly and the same to her.  
_"Sara, you came."_ Her firm hands grip to my waist and pull me closer, _"You came."_ she repeated, in a softer tone. I wrap my arms around her neck and kiss her nose gently in reply. The way it's set upon her face is just so adorable, even though mine's the same, her features always seem to be so much more sweeter. She suggested that we enter the flat, so that no one could see us and that we could get comfortable, and so I followed her lead with fingers intertwined with hers, heading straight to the bedroom.  
Tegan's always been the more insightful; more ingenious; the more intense twin, in regards to her feelings and what they mean to her. When Tee likes someone, she falls incredibly hard for them and shows it exceptionally, but she understands consequences and has a great perspective on what the future can hold. Unfortunately for me, I tend to push anyone I love away and hope they show me the love that I need all the time, even if I'm being a complete and utter bitch to them. I'm quite obtuse and idiotic when it comes to love and emotions, that's probably why I struggle with relationships and letting people know how I'm feeling without song so much.  
This is exactly what I love; hardly any words being spoken, having the silence draw one another in for a passionate salutation. Her hands running through my hair as we locked our lips together sent a slow shiver down my spine, but it felt good. The kind of shiver that had amorous written all over it. Hearing Tee allowing short grunts to slip out in the middle of our saliva exchange had turned me on to great abundance. One of her hands rested on my thigh, the other on my waist; I felt the warmth of her body electrocute me and it had my core throbbing. _"I… I love you… so much… Tegan…"_, I gasped in between soft kisses to my mouth and jawline. I knew that she knew this stage of my arousal, and she takes it completely for granted.  
Getting into the sensation of her touch, I relax a lot more. My mind began to wander, as I played out little scenarios in my head about how things could be if we weren't twins and could be out as a relationship. No Lindsey to worry about. No Lindsey at all. No Lindsey. I flood myself with happiness, content with the thought. I let Tegan pull my sweater over my head, her hands running up and down my arms. She kisses my neck and collarbone, and I'm eager for more, so I break us apart to take my shirt off, throwing it across the onto the floor. I lay back onto the bed, once again giving into Tegan's touches and losing myself in them.

I hear a noise, and I start to worry. _"Did you hear that?"_ I asked Tegan cautiously, although she merely carried on caressing my skin and so I sat upright. _"Tegan seriously, what was that?"_ my concern growing larger as the noise seems to be getting louder and louder; I hear a click, and it's coming from the hallway._ "It's probably just an animal or rodent or something, nothing to worry about SaSa,"_ Tegan attempts to reassure me, although not a lot of thought was put into it. Another click emerges from the hallway and it sounded like the door, _"TeeTee! I'm hooome!"_. The sound of Lindsey's voice. She's home. I need to get out of here.  
_"Shit Tee, what do I do? Where do I go? What the hell's going to happen?!"_ Panicking completely, she points to the closet and thankfully, I grab my sweater from the floor, and look around for my shirt, but I can hear Lindsey coming closer to the bedroom, so I forget it and sprint what seems like a marathon inside the small space and close the doors tightly. I start to breathe heavily so I cover my mouth to keep myself silent; anxiety pulsing through my veins as I see Lindsey through the small gaps in between the doors of the closet._ "Hey Teegles, who were you talking to?"_


End file.
